Carmen
Carmen Miranda
Puerto Rico was next, as a cultured affair
There's an actress who wore quite a hat --
Piled high with mixed fruit, she was legend (of sorts)
She was Carmen Miranda -- that's that.
Not the Carmen Miranda who then worked for me
Setting type in my typesetting shop --
An aerobics instructor to Christian dance tunes
With a fetish for things Betty Bop.
She would routinely beat me at handball back then
But the mem'ry that must take the cake
Is when she invited me to an event
As her escort where she had a stake
In IDEA -- the outfit with worldwide scope
International Dancers Club Ed
Educational Association or group
At their annual conf'rence or fed.
It cost $300 -- the cost for just one.
Carmen didn't want to pony up, though.
So she signed on instead as a greeter of sorts
Saving $300 or so.
Come the night of the ball, costume ball it was billed,
There were hundreds of physically fit
Instructors of female fitness, they were,
With no boys on short notice to get!
I'm the only one there with a Y chromosome!
Although it was assumed, not displayed.
Carmen came as a cave girl, guerrilla in tow,
On a leash, six feet tall -- and afraid!
There were girls (or Chiquitas) in bright yellow suits
Others dressed as an entire bunch!
Cave girls other than Carmen were there all alone.
The bananas would make quite the lunch!
The first few bananas were just photo shoots,
But then next they all wanted to dance!
Guerrillas are not usually named Fred Astaire
So at first I thought I had a chance --
But aerobics instructors -- three hundred or so --
And seemingly all of one mind --
No sooner had one had a session with me
Than the next one just followed behind!
It is hot in a six-foot-tall-all-fake-fur suit.
I'm the sit-on-the-couch type of guy.
I was seriously thinking it's heart attack time
When was saved by the collective sigh
Of hundreds of girls when they said we were through.
I was sweating profusely within.
My fake-fur-disguise (which was two inches short)
Still disguising me, soaked to the skin.